The 5 injuries of the inner child: Which ones do you carry inside you?

Sometimes we react to a situation much more strongly than the moment actually warrants. A casual remark cuts us to the core. A brief silence in a friendship triggers panic. A small mistake feels like proof that we aren’t good enough. If you find yourself in moments like these, it might be that it’s not just the present moment speaking—but something much older. Something that experts refer to as wounds of the inner child.

In her influential work The 5 Wounds of the Soul (2001), French-Canadian therapist and author Lise Bourbeau described five fundamental emotional wounds that can arise in early childhood and potentially influence the way we relate to ourselves and others for a lifetime. These five wounds—rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal, and injustice—are not exotic concepts, but experiences that many people may recognize in some form. In this article, we’d like to introduce you to these wounds of the inner child—not as a diagnosis, but as an invitation to self-exploration.

What are inner child wounds?

The concept of the inner child describes the part of us that carries all our early experiences within—the joy, the curiosity, but also the pain. If, as children, we experienced situations in which we felt unsafe, unloved, or unseen, these experiences can leave deep scars. Not because our parents or caregivers necessarily had bad intentions—often they were hurt themselves—but because the child’s brain can process such moments as an existential threat.

As early as the 1960s and 70s, attachment researcher John Bowlby demonstrated in his groundbreaking attachment theory that early relationship experiences (so-called “attachment injuries”) can shape an internal working model of oneself and others. This model influences how we experience closeness and distance in relationships, how much trust we can build, and how we deal with rejection. Bowlby’s research suggests that these early patterns are by no means unchangeable—but that awareness can be the first step.

Psychotherapist Jeffrey Young also developed similar ideas within the framework of his schema therapy (1990): He described so-called early maladaptive schemas—deeply rooted patterns of thought and emotion that can develop in childhood when basic needs such as security, belonging, and appreciation were not sufficiently met. These patterns can later manifest in relationships, self-image, and everyday experiences—often without us knowing where they come from.

The 5 Wounds According to Lise Bourbeau: An Overview

In her model, Lise Bourbeau describes five central inner child wounds that can occur in various forms and combinations. According to Bourbeau’s approach, each wound is accompanied by a specific protective mask—a behavioral pattern that we unconsciously develop to avoid having to relive the original pain.

• Rejection – the wound of not being welcome

• Abandonment – the wound of being left alone

• Humiliation – the wound of having been shamed

• Betrayal – the wound of broken trust

• Injustice – the wound of not having been treated fairly

It is important to emphasize that this model is not a scientific diagnostic system, but rather a psychologically inspired framework for reflection. Bourbeau himself sees it as a tool for self-awareness. Many people report that they can recognize themselves in one or more of these wounds—and that this recognition alone can stir something within them.

The Wound of Rejection: “I Am Not Welcome”

The wound of rejection can arise when a child felt that they weren’t truly wanted—whether due to emotional coldness, frequent criticism, or the feeling of always being too much or too little. People who carry this wound within them may tend to make themselves small, avoid contact, or withdraw at the slightest hint of rejection.

Bourbeau calls the protective mask associated with this wound “the refugee”: someone who protects themselves by withdrawing before they can be rejected. Internally, this wound can feel like a constant sense of not belonging—even in moments when everything is actually fine.

Research in the field of schema therapy suggests that the schema of emotional deprivation and social isolation, as described by Young (1990), may have similar roots: the early experience of not having one’s needs seen or heard. If you recognize this pattern in yourself, it might be helpful to explore in which situations you still feel unwanted today—and whether this feeling truly stems from the present moment or originates from an old story.

The Wound of Abandonment: “I Am Alone”

The wound of abandonment is one of the most frequently described inner child wounds. It can arise when a child has lost or had to lose important attachment figures due to death, separation, emotional absence, or unpredictability. The inner experience can be one of profound loneliness—even when people are physically present.

Bowlby’s attachment theory provides a particularly illuminating framework here: insecure attachment patterns, which can develop in response to unreliable or absent caregivers, may lead people to become either very clingy or cautiously distant in relationships even in adulthood. The underlying thought—often unconscious—is: Anyone who gets close to me will leave me anyway.

Bourbeau describes the protective mask of this wound as the Dependent: someone who constantly seeks closeness and validation, fears being alone, and may tend to maintain unhealthy relationships just to avoid being alone. Some people with this wound may also find it particularly difficult to let others go—even when a relationship has long since ceased to be nourishing.

It’s worth observing yourself gently: Do you react with disproportionate fear or panic to brief periods of unreachability from people who are important to you? Could an old wound be resonating there?

The Wound of Humiliation: “I Am a Disgrace”

Humiliation as an inner child wound can arise when a child was shamed for their needs, their body, their feelings, or their behavior. Perhaps they were laughed at when they cried. Perhaps they were exposed in front of others. Perhaps they heard messages over and over again such as: You’re too sensitive, You’re embarrassing, or You’re a disgrace to us.

Bourbeau associates this wound with the protective mask of the masochist—not in the clinical sense, but as a description of a person who might tend to consistently put their own needs last, punish themselves, and prioritize others, just to avoid becoming the focus of negative attention again. This is often accompanied by a deep sense of shame that is difficult to put into words.

Shame researcher Brené Brown has pointed out in numerous studies that shame—unlike guilt—affects not just behavior, but the entire person. The difference: “I did something wrong” versus “I am wrong.” People who carry the wound of humiliation within them may have deeply internalized this second belief—and it may manifest in moments when they struggle to accept praise or feel ashamed of perfectly ordinary human needs.

The Wound of Betrayal: “I Can’t Trust Anyone”

According to Bourbeau’s model, the wound of betrayal often arises when a child has learned that promises are broken, that adults are unreliable, or that people they trusted have disappointed or lied to them. This does not necessarily have to result from dramatic events—sometimes repeated small disappointments are enough to shake one’s basic trust.

Bourbeau calls the protective mask that can develop here “the Controller”: someone who tends to keep everything under control as much as possible in relationships and daily life. Behind this may lie the unconscious thought: If I keep everything in my own hands, no one can disappoint me anymore. This can manifest as excessive responsibility, difficulty delegating, or a pronounced need for reliability.

Jeffrey Young’s schema therapy (1990) recognizes a similar concept under the term “distrust and abuse schema”: the deeply rooted expectation that other people will—sooner or later—hurt, betray, or humiliate us. Those who carry this schema may be overly cautious in new relationships, avoid intimacy, or test others before truly opening up.

Scientific background: attachment theory according to Bowlby Studies in the field of attachment research suggest that early relationship experiences can shape inner working models of ourselves and others - models that influence how we experience closeness, trust and conflict. Bowlby emphasized that these patterns are not immutable judgments about us. They are adaptations to previous circumstances - and can be changed with awareness and compassion.

The Wound of Injustice: “I Must Be Perfect”

The fifth of the five wounds described by Bourbeau is the wound of injustice. It can arise when a child has grown up in an environment that was very rigid, cold, or performance-oriented—where mistakes were not tolerated, there was little room for feelings, and affection often seemed to be conditional.

Bourbeau calls the protective mask of this wound the “Stiff One”—someone who is under intense internal pressure to do everything right, who struggles to admit mistakes, and who may tend toward pronounced perfectionism. Behind this perfectionism may lie the old message: Only if I am flawless am I worthy of being loved.

What often appears outwardly as a particular strength—reliability, precision, a drive to perform—can be linked inwardly to a deep sense of exhaustion, a lack of self-compassion, and persistent inner tension. Research suggests that self-compassion—the ability to treat oneself with the same kindness one would show a good friend—may be closely linked to psychological well-being. As Neff (2003) demonstrated in her research on self-compassion, learning to treat oneself with inner kindness could be an important step toward breaking free from this pattern.

Recognizing wounds of the inner child—but without self-judgment

If, while reading, you thought to yourself, “That’s me”—then that is, first and foremost, a significant realization. And it’s important to emphasize: These wounds do not mean that you are broken or that your past defines you forever. They mean that, as a child, you made adjustments that made sense at the time—to survive, to be liked, to protect yourself.

Both Bourbeau’s model and Young’s schema therapy (1990) assume that these patterns can be changed—not overnight, and not through knowledge alone, but through a gentle, repeated, and compassionate approach to yourself. Research on so-called neuroplasticity (the brain’s malleability) suggests that neural patterns may be altered through new experiences and mindful engagement.

It is important to note: Confronting inner childhood wounds can stir up intense emotions. If you notice that certain topics are stirring up a lot within you, professional guidance—such as through psychotherapy—could be a valuable source of support. This article is not a substitute for therapeutic counseling, but is intended to provide you with a gentle introduction to these topics.

What Can Help? First Steps on the Journey Inward

There is no single method that works equally well for everyone—and it would be dishonest to claim that reading an article could heal deep emotional wounds. But there are approaches that many people might find helpful as a first step:

• Non-judgmental self-observation: Perhaps over the next few days you might simply observe when intense feelings such as shame, fear of loss, or the need to control arise. Not to change them—but simply to notice them.

• Journaling: Some people find it helpful to give space to their inner child in a journal. One possible question might be: What would you have wanted as a child that you didn’t receive?

• Practicing self-compassion: Research by Neff (2003) suggests that treating yourself with compassion and kindness—especially during painful moments—can promote emotional well-being. This might mean speaking to yourself the way you would speak to a good friend.

• Seek professional support: Approaches such as schema therapy, EMDR, or depth psychology-based therapies may help you recognize early patterns and have new inner experiences.

Bourbeau herself emphasizes in her work (2001) that the goal is not to erase the wounds, but to acknowledge them—because change can only become possible through acceptance. That sounds easier than it is. And yet: it is a path that may have proven worthwhile for many people.

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What are the 5 injuries of the inner child according to Lise Bourbeau?

According to Lise Bourbeau (2001), there are five basic psychological wounds that can arise in childhood: Rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal and injustice. Each of these injuries to the inner child can be associated with certain behavioral and protective patterns that we unconsciously develop in order to avoid having to experience the original pain again. Bourbeau's model is not a medical diagnostic system, but an offer of reflection for self-knowledge.

Can I carry several injuries at the same time?

Yes, that is quite possible. Bourbeau himself assumes that most people carry more than one of these wounds - but there is often one that could be particularly formative and shows up more frequently. Some people recognize themselves in three or even four of the patterns described. This does not mean that they are more severely wounded than others - but that their own story is multi-layered.

Can these wounds be healed through self-reflection alone?

Self-reflection, journaling and mindfulness can be helpful first steps and provide guidance for many people. However, deeper injuries - especially those that could be linked to traumatic experiences - often require professional support. Approaches such as Young's schema therapy (1990) or attachment-oriented forms of therapy can potentially provide support. This article is not a substitute for therapy or psychological counseling.

What does the inner child have to do with attachment theory?

The attachment theory of the researcher John Bowlby suggests that early relationship experiences with important attachment figures can form inner patterns that influence how we later experience closeness, trust and loss. These so-called attachment injuries can leave similar emotional traces to the childhood wounds described by Bourbeau. Both perspectives complement each other and emphasize that early experiences are significant - and that change can be possible.

How do I recognize which injury has the strongest impact on me?

One possibility is to observe which situations trigger particularly intense emotional reactions in you. Do you react very strongly to the feeling of being rejected? Then the wound of rejection could play a role. Are you very afraid of being abandoned? Then the wound of abandonment could be significant. In her book (2001), Bourbeau also recommends paying attention to our own protective masks - the patterns with which we try to protect ourselves from pain.

Do you have to have had a bad childhood to bear these wounds?

No - and that is an important point. Many people who carry these wounds within them had a childhood that seemed unremarkable on the outside. The wounds are not only caused by obvious neglect or abuse, but can also arise from repeated minor experiences that were significant for the child's experience: a parent who was emotionally unapproachable, an environment that punished mistakes, or frequent disappointments that were never discussed. Your own experience as a child is what counts - regardless of how others would assess the situation from the outside.

Confronting the wounds of your inner child is not an easy path—but it may be one of the most meaningful journeys you could embark on. It’s not about changing the past or placing blame on anyone. It’s about understanding why you feel the way you do—and showing yourself a little more compassion.

Perhaps you’d like to start today: Take a few minutes, sit down quietly, and ask yourself—without judgment or pressure—which of the five wounds felt most familiar as you read. Not to judge, but to look. Because the inner child within you isn’t seeking perfection. It’s seeking to be heard.