Attachment styles

What are attachment styles?

Attachment styles stem from attachment theory, which was developed by the British psychiatrist John Bowlby in the 1950s and 1960s. They describe how people—based on early experiences with their caregivers—experience and form emotional relationships. The basic idea: Children develop an internal working model of whether others are reliable and whether they themselves are lovable.

The four attachment styles

• Secure: Emotional closeness is experienced as pleasant. Separations are handled well. Often develops when caregivers were reliable and sensitive.
• Anxious-ambivalent: A strong longing for closeness, combined with fear of loss or rejection. Relationships can feel intense and exhausting.
• Avoidant: Emotional distance is preferred. Closeness feels threatening. Often develops when feelings were ignored or devalued in childhood.
• Disorganized: Closeness and fear are activated simultaneously, often as a result of unresolved trauma or frightening caregivers.

Research suggests that while attachment styles are formative, they are not fixed. Healing relationship experiences—including in therapy—can help develop new patterns. You can find more on this in the article on the psychology of happy relationships as well as in the section on understanding family dynamics.

Can my attachment style change?

Yes, attachment styles are not fixed for life. New, reliable relationship experiences - with partners, friends or in therapy - can help to gradually develop more secure attachment patterns.

How do I recognize my own attachment style?

Recurring patterns in relationships often provide clues: How do you react to closeness? To conflicts? To break-ups? Validated questionnaires and psychological counseling can enable a well-founded classification.